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The time to tell your children about your divorce is after you and your spouse have made a firm decision to split up but before one of you has moved out of the home.
Tell the children together. Let them know that they were born into a
happy family but that certain parts of your marriage have not gone well.
Now it is
best for the adults to get divorced.
Explain the changes in their lives. Explain that the lives
of everyone in the family
will change during this time of extreme distress. Tell your children what
will change and what will remain the same in their lives.
Show your children your sadness and grief about the situation. By doing
so,
you give them permission to express their own feelings about the divorce.
However, do not belittle, ridicule, or criticize
your spouse in front of your
children. Keep in mind that your children are a part of both you and your
spouse. When you say bad things about the other parent in front of your
children, your children may feel that you are belittling, ridiculing, and
criticizing them as well.
Do not discuss your adult problems with your children. Let your children
remain your children, not your support system. Find a trusted friend,
relative, or group for adult support.
Keep in mind that conflict, such as fighting between
parents, is scary to
children. If you cannot avoid conflict, make sure that your children are
not around.
Do not ask your children to take sides in adult
conflicts.
At appropriate times, ask your children about their thoughts and feelings
about the family situation.
If they don't want to talk, that's okay. Let
them know that you are willing to talk when they are ready.
When they do talk, listen carefully, and accept
their feelings.
Older children - teenagers and young adults - often
worry about their parents during this time. Assure them that even though
you are having a tough time
now, you will be all right.
Although the marriage is ending, your role as a parent is not ending.
Unless
the Court orders otherwise, after the divorce you continue to have all the parental rights and obligations that you had while you were married.
Children need to spend time with both parents. Each
parent should encourage and foster the children's relationship with the
former spouse.
Parents are role models for their children, in good
times and in bad times.
Your children are watching you and learning about relationships between
adults. Act in ways that will help your children learn to build healthy
adult relationships.
Do not use time with your children as a tool to
manipulate or control the other parent.
Many children believe that they are the cause of their parents' divorce.
Tell your children that the divorce is not their fault.
Tell the children together. Let them know that they were born into a
happy family but that certain parts of your marriage have not gone well.
Now it is best for the adults to get divorced.
Tell your children that even though you and your partner are divorcing,
both of you still love them and remain their parents.
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